All Alone


It is at times like these that we feel all alone.  Times of loss, times of sadness, times that our loved ones are away from us, times of lack of money, just hard times in general.  Yes, even people with autism feel alone, and actually I have come to believe that people with autism feel more alone than neurotypicals when we are young.

It was not hard to know early on that I was so completely different, not hard at all when you are being told that by everyone.  Not only that but at some point you realize that NOBODY has the same interest that you have.  It is extremely difficult to socialize when the only thing you feel comfortable talking about is your own interest.  No one can understand how difficult that is unless you have experienced this yourself.  Now I’m not so naive or narcissistic to believe that the general population hasn’t ever experienced the feeling of being all alone.  I know this to be true….and ANYONE can be bullied at any moment.  It doesn’t take a diagnosis to be the target of hatred.  

Children retreat into themselves for a many of reasons and there are some that believe that some children diagnosed with autism are actually not autistic but having symptoms due to lack of social nurturing.  There is evidence that supports this theory and in fact was the first theory that surfaced, blaming the mothers for lack of emotional guidance.  

However, at this time we know this is not true for every child and in the majority of cases not at all.  Am I for sure that there are not some cases that are due to lack of  affection? No, I’m not saying that at all, but autism IS a neurological disorder.  It is a different way to process the information that you receive through the internal and external environment.  Though I wholeheartedly believe that genetics plays the major role in forming autism I also agree that environment is a small factor as well.  

That aside the difference between autistics and NT (Neurotypicals) is that people/children with autism do not feel anxiety about being alone, it is like we are in our natural environment.  However, the majority of NTs do not have this capacity.  The thought of being alone drives them into a commitment or relationships that they should not be involved in and have no deep rooted interest in.  I am perfectly fine being alone as are both of my children.  It never dawns on them that they should be or that there is something wrong with being alone, but the true question remains…..IS there anything wrong with being alone?  

I don’t believe there is.  Why is it so bad that I enjoy taking myself to the movies?  I am perfectly fine with just being me….and maybe that’s the problem maybe NTs have a problem with themselves.  I find that people with autism tend to accept who they are much more fiercely than NTs.  I find that autistics tend to look at who they are logically……such as: I know I’m not attractive…it’s ok…I don’t have low self esteem..I just look at it logically..I’m a 5ft piece of chub!  My hair has never been smooth and silky…..I’ve never been tall and svelte……I’ve never had great skin…I’ve never had a sweet and alluring voice.  All of these things I’m ok with…….I’m ok…with being me and being all alone with me!

~LenaJeanne

I have no problem showing how much I need to be alone!

Missing my babies while they are at their daddy’s house!

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