So, as of Monday night I started getting the shakes as I call them….of course i was going to get sick, bc that’s what always happens when you are downtrodden.
You see I live on a very fixed income as most Americans today. As a PhD graduate student I make $23,500 a year…it’s ok if I tell you it’s listed on the UKY website so anyone who can search the web can figure it out. I get a bit of child support but just enough to cover food, no extras…barely can make gas, but again..that’s typical of today. At this moment I get absolutely no governmental help…it would really help if I could, but I don’t qualify. It’s not what everyone thinks…for having 2 kids I make too much to get any type of help…..it sucks bull honkey!
Anyhow, I have had all of these financial crisis events happen in the last month to me…boom boom boom…the car has been the most expensive. My car is paid off which helps, and I carry full coverage, but at the same time a tie rod had to be replaced, my tires, then to unseen events another new tire…it has just been crazy. Then people took money out of my account…I mean one thing after another. However, I’m trying every single day to make, and then BOOM I get sick..and let me tell you…as you are sitting or leaning on the toilet with puke in your hair and on your face you start thinking “oh woe as me!”
I was just a mess. I had pee coming out of my butt as my son likes to say when he gets the runs…and I dry heaved for 14 hrs straight…I fainted after vomiting and woke up with vomit, spit, and blood in my mouth where I had bitten the inside of my cheek. I’m just happy I managed to not crap on myself in the process…it was the highlight of my day!!! I think I did tinkle a bit while dry heaving, but hey I’ve had two kids!!!!!!
I also have a bleeding disorder so it doesn’t take much for me to bleed, so a bit of my teeth grazing my cheek and you got bloody niagra falls man!!!
However, due to this I was out the ENTIRE day. I couldn’t even take my kids to school…my neighbor had too! Thank god for neighbors!
Anyhow, so I didn’t go to work which translated into me not attending a big important meeting which then translated into me not going to my Quals ceremony.
So as I have said before all PhD students to become a PhD candidate you not only have to pass your first 2 years of classes but then you go through these huge hoops to pass your qualification exams..it’s a freaking mess, but I passed…and then our department does this huge celebration that I didn’t get to attend. I can’t help it..I was a little upset..I never seem to get to do what I wish I could do!
So after weeks of not being able to pay bills….and then getting this ill I have to say my anxiety and my depression took a turn for the worse.
Today I didn’t think I could do it, but I got my ass up…took the kids to school and went to lab. I have had a very productive day catching up on everything. However, I haven’t eaten a damn thing and my stomach feels like someone punched me in Fight Club!
It was hard to get up today…but I am thankful that I did…..I made it…I’ve got a couple more hrs to go, then i can go grab my kids..do some cleaning to get the smell of vomit out of my bathroom..take selena to her private violin lesson and take the kids to their lego club at the library!!!
I hope all of you have had a productive day!! So just remember when you are peeing out your butt…there will be an hr that you will stop….it just might take awhile!
PS….I am thankful for deep thoughts! Like the one I just posted!