Threshold for Good


During all of this time while I was hurting I had so many people from all over the world coming together to wish my family wellness.  I don’t know if they know how much the outpouring of their faith in me helped me to heal.  It was amazing to go onto my social accounts and see all the positive wishes.  Sometimes social outlets are used inappropriately, but other times such as this they are used to build someone up.  Everyone always notices the irrelevant, shocking, bad, hurtful social quips, but it’s harder to find the great ones that people post.

Why is that? I have always wondered why the bad gets more attention than the good.  The bad kids vs the good kids.  Because of the “bad apples” we have so many laws.  It saddens me to see how my children will grow up with so many regulations and laws that we as a people can’t even keep track of.  I know I can’t.  The seatbelt laws are constantly changing, and where you can drink and smoke, and sometimes even where you can talk.

We all know as parents that we focus on the bad that our children do rather than the good.  I have decided this is due to how we process sensory information that annoys, frustrates, angers, and hurts us.  I feel like the process of internalizing bad things reaches a sort of sensory threshold before the good; therefore, it takes more good events to occur for us to notice because our level of tolerance is higher than our level for noticing bad.

Now we can probably attribute this through the evolution of our flight vs fight response, because our system needs to have a way to recognize situations and people that are not appropriate for us to be around and/or involved in.  This is just a self preservation mechanism.  Since we have evolved this has worked wonders for us….we know not to go into the creepy forest or hang out with the creepy old man….or don’t trust the evil witch and so on….we can see this response in all of Disney’s movies.  However, in today’s age this is not serving us well.  Because technology has increased exponentially in just a short decade our ability to contact and be a part of such a large social network has caused multiple issues regarding social infrastructure.  This includes our ability to over look certain events that if happened in front of our face we probably would not react too, but online we take huge measure to make sure we post our every little thought on the matter.

Don’t get upset, I do this all the time; however, over the last few months I have tried to dial it down and while it is very difficult it can be done.  I have a few rules that I live by now.  I don’t post my thoughts on another person’s account, and I don’t tell me deepest darkest secrets on my account, nor do I respond with horrible retorts to other people’s comments. I also expect these rules to be followed on my page, and if they cannot then those person’s will be removed from my social media account no matter which account it is.

I have been working towards this with my children as well…making sure I notice all the good they do in this world and not all the bad!  I think this is terribly important as a parent, and during our social skills group we went to during last summer we talked about this a lot; however, unfortunately it wasn’t until after the car crash did I truly see how much I need to make sure I follow this line of thinking.

My daughter was not scared for herself, but for her brother and for me.  She was lil momma at the time…so beautiful…so endearing….I need to make sure that I never forget that..and never take her absolute and instantaneous love for me for granted….

This is true for my son, but you also have to remember he’s moderately autistic, so he functions on such a different level than his sister.

Are there any ways that you make sure you show your children and loved ones how much you appreciate the good in them?

If so let me know!!!!

~lenajeanne

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