PhD Candidate!!!

First of all I want to say……I PASSED

 

I AM A PHD CANDIDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

My car got fixed and I am now considered a PhD candidate…….it doesn’t sound like much but this is the major step onto getting your PhD in science.  It takes 2.5 years to get to this point and if I failed I would be kicked out of the program, but I didn’t…so here’s to all the naysayers…..suck a teet!!!!!  BC I PASSED!

 

I passed as a 32 year old single mother of TWO children with autism.

 

I passed as a person with a mental disability …I am diagnosed with severe ADD and Asperger’s.

 

I passed as a person who has suffered severe physical disability (paralyzed at 15….and learned to walk again after major back surgeries)

 

I passed as a person who is challenged at every turn of my life…for the first time ever I’m going to toot my own damn horn!

 

Living the days of my life without reservations!

 

~LenaJeanne

 

PS…………..Do not EVER think you are limited by life…….you are limited only by what obstacles you put in front of yourself! I am proof of that!

The Ghetto Booty Within!

So, all my life I’ve been a jogging and free weight lifting type of girl.  However, I recently decided I needed to TRULY  begin to get serious about my health again, just as my last post said.  I had already started jogging a couple of months ago, but nothing too big…just up to 6 miles..which seems like a lot, but seriously in the grand scheme of things it’s not.  I typically would jog 3-4 miles…which was a 40 minute work out.  I absolutely love love love to jog, but my problem is I don’t have anyone to watch the kids while I jog.  I live alone..it’s just little ole me and my chickneys.  I can’t jog in the morning because I can’t leave my babies alone, and again same thing for the evening.  AND if I try to work out at all at home my kids get right in the way.  I love them to death, but seriously it is more of a pain and I end up frustrated.

I also haven’t gotten back in the groove of lifting weights…it’s like all my years of lifting just left me tired of it…although I’m itching to get back in for some reason I’m hesitant…dunno why.  Maybe I’m waiting for that miracle.  Therefore, I decided I would try classes.  I have a friend Lisa who is a Zumba instructor and she always makes it sound like fun, so I sashayed my great big pumpkin butt to the Zumba class on Monday….I did the hour long class and it wasn’t easy…I did enjoy it though.  However, last night I tried out the HipHop class and OMG I FREAKING LOVED IT.  I found it so much better than the Zumba for me.  It was like crack for ghetto girls.  You could bump, grind, get jiggy with it, and just move it to current R&B and HipHop songs.  We have this funky instructor with great muscles that is truly inspiring.

I brought funkytown back through shaking my ghetto BOOOOTAY!  I couldn’t believe 50 minutes had gone by.  I have a bit of rhythm and soul in me.  I got a bit of swag (ok not really but I had to add it in …my swag is the equivalent of victoria secret angel sweats!)  However, I do own some funk.   That’s right.  I am white and I am funky! lol   I don’t even know if my boyfriend knows just how much I can shake it…and that’s ok….surprises are better when they are indeed a surprise…duh!

As I looked around the class I noticed a few things.  First I noticed that in this class there were two mentally handicapped individuals.  One with Downs and another with MR.  Let me tell you, those little lassies kept me GOING!  Can you imagine going to a class knowing that everyone is so welcome that people with varying abilities are encouraged to participate? THAT WAS AWE INSPIRING.  Believe me they knew the steps too and when they shook their booties they SHOOK their booties! lol It was super cute.  This is one of the reasons I love the YMCA.  Everyone is welcome…and I do mean everyone!

Another aspect I noticed is that while everyone was fit noone was FIT..you know what I call fit..with tons of muscles…toned…and ready to take on the world.  There were a few skinny girls, but still none that were lean and mean.  I love that look…I love the hard bodies way of feeling.  I feel like mush…who wants to feel like mush? I don’t.  I realized that for my very own personal goals I’m going to have to hit the weights and do crossfit training.  This was a good realization for me.  It was the motivation I was looking for to begin the next phase of my health goal.

Today is Thursday and I’m not even hurting from the two days of awesome cardio I did, which means I need more.  Tonight I must mow my yard for the last time of the season…….and tomorrow is going to be my first day back at lifting weights.  I’m going to jog 2 miles on the outside track, do back & biceps, and do some core crossfit with kettlebells.  It feels good to know which way to go now…to have direction…to truly know that I need my old partner back….my black and pink Lifting gloves….ah yes..they may be stinky and full of sweat, but they are are part of me and my fitness goals!!!!!

You may be wondering if I’m going to keep the two weekly classes.  Actually I am until I start pole dancing which is the 3rd phase of my fitness plan.  Pole dancing is going to start in November.  There is this studio here called Defiance and they offer a variety of really neat fitness classes including beginner to competitive pole dancing.  I can’t WAIT!!!! 4 more weeks until I get to really learn how to drop it!  If I add in the pole dancing I’ll take out the zumba since I preferred the hip hop.  However, before the zumba I will definitely work on some core ab and back exercises….prob about 15 minutes worth….since there didn’t seem to be alot of core in that.  The hiphop had tons of core….

Like I keep telling people…I’m not looking to get skinny, but to be fit like I use to be.  There is this random picture of me from 2 years ago in which I felt I was at my perfect fitness, but guess what I was still considered overweight.  I weighed over 140 and was super happy with my body…and at 5ft that’s considered fat or overweight…but not to me..I loved my body.  I was extremely healthy…and had tons of energy.  That’s the me I want to get back too……..but that’s not going to happen by stepping on the scale everyday….so please join forces with me in stopping the scale identity crisis.  Our identity as women and as humans is not dependent upon what a scale says.

 

Me mowing the yard 2010

 

So, as you can see…I was nowhere near thin…..I’m now 30 pounds heavier than this and feel like crap.  I just want to feel good about myself.  That 30 lbs snuck up on me so easily…..I’m ready to take on my fitness goals are you?  I truly believe that giving up my reservations and living a life full of positive energy and love that the lbs will come off of me when it’s time.  I’m not pushing myself…i’m just going to enjoy my life.  I hope you can enjoy your life with me.  

Help me to inspire you!  Send each other positive words of encouragement.  The women at the zumba and hip hop class really inspired me.  They lasted longer than I did….and they all sashayed with confidence…I hope to be like them soon! 

 

Living without any reservations!

~LenaJeanne

 

PS.  You must remember that to be healthy it’s all about how you feel…not about what that crack hoe scale says…Pimp slap that mother and take a walk on the wild side! Don’t let a number tell you how to be!

 

PSS.  I have been invited to be in a wedding in January….You can guarantee that is definitely inspiring my fitness goals!

 

PSSS.  Tell me how you inspire others to reach their goal or how someone inspired you!  COMMENT!

 

{DISCLAIMER}  

I just wanted to tell you that I love hard fit bodies.  However, that is my personal preference, and most of my friends enjoy the more softer feminine appeal.  Please do not take anything I say as offensive, it is my personal preference FOR MYSELF..not for others…I love you for being you…….so just be you and you will inspire me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I’m Fat Just Not Fat Enough

OK, so my “Obesity and Disability” post had some people sending me messages telling me that I have no business talking about being overweight because “You (Me) aren’t big enough”.  So let me ask you how big do I need to be to discuss fat?  I mean fat itself is a molecule, being fat means an excessive amount of the molecule, but you can be skinny and be fat.

My ex once talked about this thin girl he dated who was like mush.  She had an extremely active metabolism but never worked out a day in her life, nor did she eat healthy.  This girl I’m sure will end up with multiple health issues.  

Now women like myself are seen as lazy.  Since we only have 30-50 lbs to lose we end up being told that we should just work harder and eat better.  However, those with 100-200 to lose are seen to have a “condition”.  My weight gain is obviously by choice while theirs is not…it’s genetic or something.  (Sarcasm)

Yes, absolutely genetics plays into it..like I said I’m not a thin person and I’m only 5ft..so 5 lbs on me is like 25 lbs on a woman who is 6ft…..

Let me also say this…me losing the 30 lbs does not even begin to put me into the range of the “proper” BMI, but that does not affect me why? Because of muscle content.  I am not losing weight..I’m becoming healthy.  There is a difference.  The weight will be lost when my body is ready to shed the fat from my fat cells after I’ve accomplished a healthy lifestyle.  Anything else becomes dangerous.  Anything greater than a couple lbs a week becomes dangerous…working out for longer than an hour a day can become dangerous.  There are many reasons why…I can scientifically explain why losing large amounts of fat in a minute time frame is actually very dangerous (basically all the toxins released into the blood) but I will refrain from that unless specifically asked too..perhaps that is the next blog post! lol

In our society it has become bad social protocol to discuss something that you are not.  I am white, so i can not talk about the African American Community.  If you are not disabled then you can not talk about a disability.  Since I am not grotesquely obese then obviously I can not talk about fat.

But why? Why does ANY of that make sense….and please if you have an answer give it to me, because I honestly don’t know.  

But telling me I’m not fat enough is jut going to spur me giving more discussions on this subject which will likely piss more people off.

I am one of those people that you really like or really hate, there truly is not a middle ground with me.  I think it’s because my thoughts coming spewing out of my mouth at the speed of gravity…probably not the speed of light because I’ve already gotten distracted from what I was saying! lol

Anyhow, no matter who you are or how you look you should be able to discuss any issue you want to openly and honestly without condescending viewpoints attacking you; however, this is the interwebs age and we are definitely more about telling someone how they are wrong for their opinion more than how they are great at expressing it.

I have always felt like you have to OWN your feelings…FEELINGS are not a sin to have….how you ACT upon your feelings can leave consequences…each choice, each act, each moment has a consequence whether that consequence is good, bad, ugly, fearful, devastating, blissful, or just plain life wrecking.  Once you begin to own how you feel you can begin to fully account for your actions…all of them…and enjoy your life once more….It is important to remember that nobody and I do mean NOBODY can tell you how to feel…that’s between you, yourself, and you!  YOU get to decide your feelings, so own them and let them shine!  

Being confident in your own emotions and feelings will naturally pull others close to you and remember that if you are being 100% honest and someone backs away from you….you don’t need them anyway……

So signing off of here and leaving you with an adorable old pic of my kiddos, remember…you have only one life unless you are reincarnated, but if you know you are reincarnated then more power to you, but regardless..this life must be lived without restricting yourself through the reservations that others may put upon you..shed yourself of their controlling power and live the way you see fit!

Much Love!

~LenaJeanne

Winter of 2006…wow…My son didn’t even have any language then!

Excuse the quality of the picture this was from a scan!