5 THINGS to DO to KEEP SANE

So, this last week has been an even crazier week than normal, which is saying ALOT!!!!!!  I ended up with about 3 infections including a really bad sinus infection, on top of that Dorian had double ear and sinus infection, and Selena finishing up her UTI.  I mean seriously it was horrible, then I started my written qualifying exam for my PhD.  What exactly does this mean? There are 3 steps to getting to be an official PhD candidate.  Sounds ridiculous that after 2 years of classes and research you get to take 3 steps to qualify to be considered for a PhD!!!!!   The first step is to write a grant proposal about your proposed research.  The second step is to get a set of questions from each one of your committee members.  The third is an oral presentation with an oral exam…yeah it’s horrible.  I’m at the second step right now, with my proposal being submitted and was accepted.  I’ve also passed my first question!  I’m on my 3rd question with one more after this and I can’t wait.  The insaneness will not be over until after my oral sometime in October and between now and then I  have to give a departmental graduate student seminar and a graduate student research seminar…YAY! right? as well as take care of 2 kids with autism….so here are some things I’m going to start doing to make my life easier.  I deserve to have a great day too!!!!  

#1:  Having A Clean Sink:  

~Every night I need to make sure that all of my dishes are washed.  Why? I deserve to wake up to a clean kitchen.  Being able to come home in the evening with no dishes to wash before I even cook is a great feeling.  This is a gift I need to give myself everyday.  

#2: Have a Cleaning Schedule for the kids

~Teaching the kids how to clean means that some of the responsibility has been lifted off of my shoulder.  Although it seems easy and better to do it myself, in the long run it teaches the children needed life skills.  It takes much longer to teach children with special needs to complete tasks, but it is completely worth it.  Don’t worry this hasn’t happened yet, but it’s something we are working on!

#3:  Make your bed every morning:

~Now this is not something for me.  I do not care if my bed is or is not made.  lol However, my friend LOVES to come home to having her bed made.  She says it gives her a clean feeling.

#4:  Pay all your bills first, make a financial strategy

~Seems easy enough, but we all know it’s time consuming and hard work.  However, with kids with special needs money is even tighter. This is definitely something I need help with……………

#5: Exercise

~The best advice I can ever give is to exercise all parts of yourself: your mind, your body, and your spirit.  Treat your body like the temple it is.  Find a way to exercise.  There are plenty of videos on youtube that are free to watch and do at home.  Take a quick jog through the neighborhood using http://www.mapmyrun.com.  Pick up that elicit copy of 50 shades of grey.  Have a little talk with God, but basically just take time for yourself!

My point of all of this is that in order to be there for your special needs kids in the future you have to be there for yourself NOW! Take the time to love yourself as your kids love you!

~LenaJeanne

Why People With Autism Should Watch Black and White Movies

Growing up I thoroughly enjoyed old movies.  I guess to today’s youngsters they would be considered “ancient” movies! 🙂  The old black and white movies always fascinated me.  My favorite movie still today is “Singing in the Rain” with my favorite actor Gene Kelley. I suppose just looking at him you could see why I loved him so much.

Gene Kelly

However, it wasn’t Gene Kelly’s good looks that got me hooked on musicals and old black and whites.  I love “Oklahoma” and “Pillow Talk” and the “Tammy” movies.  I love Elizabeth Taylor, Audrey Hepburn, Shirley Temple, and a whole host of others.  So then what exactly was it that kept me interested?  Most people find these pictures boring, especially the silent movies, but not I.  There wasn’t huge action scenes with great affects, so it definitely wasn’t my ADD that was satisfied (which is why I love action films).  I use to think it was because I love to dance.  I am not ashamed to say that I”m the crazy chick with a broom that’s dancing to Rick Astley hoping he won’t ever let me down!!!!  I’m also the insane girl who tried to recreate the famous log scene in “7 brides for 7 brothers”.  (and no I couldn’t make it work!)  I was also the girl who knew every Shirley Temple line and could recite most of Doris Day’s movies.

I now know it was my autism, but what part of my autism was satisfied?  Well, none.  You see just a few days ago I watched “Sabrina” the old black and white version with Audrey Hepburn.  I still loved it, but while watching her first dance with David it hit me as to why I love these old movies.  It’s because I can understand what they are feeling.  Their facial expressions are so over exaggerated (which is the reason as to why so many people don’t like them) that I can understand what they are thinking and feeling at that moment.  My autism prevents me from seeing and understanding micro-expressions; however, exaggerated expressions of disgust and sometimes fear I can see.  In old black and white movies ALL of their actions from their body language to their facial expressions are exaggerated.  I can take these into account and draw an understanding from them.  Lets look at the difference.  

Sabrina looking sad

The almost kiss

Even in this one you can see the exaggerated expressions

Look at how happy they are

In all of the above pictures taken from older movies you can see exactly what they are feeling because ALL of their facial expressions are exaggerated.  Their mouth is open and smiling and eyes wide, and it tells me how happy they are, but let’s take a look at current movies.

is she in awe? is she scared? no clue

is she scared? is she inquisitive? I have no clue again

And although the 2 above were just quick references and I’m sure I could have picked better ones, my entire point is that in today’s movies the facial expressions and body language is not as expressed as years ago.  So, then what do I watch in today’s movie era? I love action and adventure.  I love supernatural and certain comedy.  I love all comedy from Adam Sandler.  I also love all movies intended for the black audience.

What information can we gain out of this post? Well, nothing really.  I mean what I have to say to anyone with autism that is having a hard time enjoying today’s movies give the oldies a try.  You might be surprised at how much you get from them!

~LenaJeanne

PS.  Top three are “Singing in the Rain”, “Pillow Talk” , and “Oklahoma”

My Human Indentured Servant Contract

So, I know many of you read my posts and you know it says that I am a PhD student, but what does REALLY mean.  I’ve decided to share with you my very personal PhD graduate student qualifying exam grant proposal.  Sounds like bull? Well, probably because it is.  So here ya go..check it out….I know my writing is not the best.  I’m not here as a blogger to be a best, but just to share my story and hope it inspires you to be more open about your family.  

Anyhow, here is my proposal on pancreatic cancer as part of my qualifying exam at UKy.

The role of PHLPP in regulating cell migration and invasion in pancreatic cancer

Check a teacher

Ever want to know what your child’s teacher is licensed to teach? Check them out.  There are different ways to check out your child’s teacher’s credentials.  In Kentucky there is a website where you put in the full name, county of work, and school.  The search pulls up the teacher’s certification records and when they expire as well as what date they were earned.  It also gives the rank of the teacher.  Here’s the link

https://wd.kyepsb.net/EPSB.WebApps/KECI/

 

You think your special educator doesn’t seem specially educated? This is the no hassle, free, not make a stink way to get this done.

However, if you enjoy making a stink stick to the old fashion way of going to the principal and asking.  If that doesn’t get you anywhere you can try the board of education for your county.  However, I recommend a public record search online anytime over ruffling feathers!!!!!

 

Good luck…let me know if you’ve found your child’s teacher to be under-educated.

 

Redemption

So, I have not written in quite awhile, so long in fact I was questioning the reason, but I got my answer today.  Sometimes we write to vent and sometimes to send a message. My entire reason for this blog is to write with meaning, feeling, love, and understanding.  I hope that through these little blurbs of expression others can find help along their rode to their future.

Today marked a new beginning for me.  It was a wonderful day.  Why? you might ponder?  Because I got to reconnect with the person that gave me my voice in the first place.  You might think that’s an odd thought, but it’s entirely true.

You see some months back a friend of mine from college started a venture, an online magazine.  She invited her best gal pals to join her on this journey and it became successful, very successful, but sometime later there was an incident that spurred me leaving the group and we sort of disbanded.

I have felt horrible ever since, like a puzzle never finished, a riddle never solved, and an equation never answered.  While she does not believe that I was at fault, I have to disagree.  I should have asked what was going on in her own personal life to give this sort of response.  I should have known that a friend was in need.  Instead I closed myself off and reacted out of emotion!!! OMG CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?  That a person with autism acted illogically and out of an emotional response? yes, people that is what I try to explain with this blog is that we are still human beings and prone to the same weaknesses as every other being!  However, needless to say I am not typically like that.  I normally have a very clear, direct voice that puts some people off; however, eventhough it may be direct it is always with logic and reason.  This means that I typically listen to other people’s needs.

This was a very low point for me as a friend, and one that I regret greatly.  However, this has been rectified as of today.  You see grace works in all sorts of ways; ways that we don’t even see.  Through grace we are saved and by grace we are freed.  Grace also gives us the ability to learn from others and through their experiences.  It is a sort of sympathy that flows through all of us.  Love is not static as I have previously mentioned, it is as fluid as the ocean with it’s own intrinsic ebbing and flowing.  How greatly our love flows is dependent upon how we ride the ebbing.

I have to say that I have learned many valuable lessons from this experience, I hope you can understand why each one is so important.

#1: Facebook is a social media forum and should not be used to discuss deeply political and personal issues.

~While you may disagree with me on this ponder the old adage of “never talk about politics and religion in mixed company.”  Well, facebook is mixed company.  It is important for us to remember there may be reasons that we don’t know about as to why someone posted something in particular.  I have a friend who posts stuff just to mess with people and it’s not even her at all, simply because it’s so funny to see their reaction.  Therefore, just as in any other type of non-personal outlet including email, texting, and even blogging you may not see the real depths behind an individuals words.  

#2:  When someone says something extremely out of character it is typically not that person’s character.  

~My first reaction to what my friend said was simply that a reaction and not a logical conclusion.  I should have been a true friend and known that something was not right and reached out.

#3:  Taking a step back from the situation is probably the best answer to any problem.

~Although it has now been months since we’ve spoken, we’ve all needed this time to step back and let our feelings and emotions settle.  Now that it has we can relate to each other in a way that we could not at the time of the incident.  

#4:  People are more complex than their words.

~Sounds simple enough, but the truth is we need ALL of our senses to understand the person next to us and if that said person is thousands of miles away and your only connection is via streaming information well let’s just say that there is no use in trying to perceive what is going on.  It is always better to just ask!

So, with all of these lessons learned what do we do now?  WEEELLL, my friend issued an apology.  I accepted and issued one back.  She accepted and called me today.  It was the best 2 hour conversation I’ve ever had.  Amazingly, I can’t wait to start new projects with her.  I can see this going very far.  

I’ve had this feeling of change coming for awhile.  BIG CHANGE!  I believe that there are some people in your life that are there to force the change to happen and this is so with my friend that I have been allowed the great honor of reconnecting with.

You might be asking yourself why I chose to title this “redemption”?  

Because redemption is what we all need to be given in our lives at time.  Compassion is something that we give others, but redemption is something that we need to be given. I give my friend the redemption of grace and she has extended the same to me, what a beautiful endeavor….what a beautiful friendship…..what a beautiful gift!

~LenaJeanne

PS.  To live without reservations means to also understand those that have chosen to not like you.  There is one particular person that believes the worse in me.  The friend i spoke to today is a friend of hers.  I hope that one day she sees that I am not what she believes me to be!

 

Have a week filled without reservations!!!

Church and Autism???

So as of yesterday I attended a new church called Southland Christian Church here in Lexington, KY.  What most people do not know about me is that I was raised southern missionary baptist, by my own choosing.  My family is part pentecostal and part baptist.  I loved church growing up and it provided a peace of mind to someone who needed rules.  I never understood why I needed rules, but the Asperger’s definitely ruled that part of me.  However, at the same time I needed the rules I could not understand how anyone could take religion literally.  I mean reading the bible thoroughly multiple times through as a youngin you start questioning it’s intention.  I never understood how anyone could read this and expect to follow it in this day and age.  I have to admit I still feel this way; therefore, I have chosen to use the bible as a spiritual guide to God and not as a literal guide.  This is my personal choice and I do not expect anyone else to agree with me.

I have taken years to really pray and meditate on this subject.  I do not want my children to grow up HAVING to be anything.  I want them to be called to God on His terms not on mine.  I want to give them freedom of religion, something I felt like I never had.  I have always taken religion to be a very black and white ordeal, but its not…how can love be black and white? How can someone read a book about love then dictate who gets to feel it and who doesn’t?  I just cannot fathom this……again this is my own personal view and I do not want anyone having to feel like I think they should agree.

Growing up in the deep south of AR towards the border of Louisiana and Texas you can imagine the type of faith we have there.  Only one faith….I call it the faith of Sunday.  Meaning that if you go to church on Sunday regardless of church affiliation (Catholics are obviously excluded ;-P) then you must be good people but you are horrible people and obviously living in sin if you do not go.  I never believed this rule, because my mom does not go to church and I don’t believe has ever even gotten a speeding ticket in her life.  I also find that churches are more apt to help other church members in need over their own family members.  I’ve seen this happen time and time again.  Lets say if I ended up in a hospital in the same town as one of my family’s church member and that said church member was hospitalized a mile from where I was hospitalized at…(different hospitals) I do not have faith that my family would choose to see me over their own church member.  (except for my mommy of course)  Does this say anything about my family? I don’t know.  I don’t think so, because logically you can view it as having the faith of sunday.  Meaning that your faith dictates your actions and in the baptist faith they always discuss taking care of the church and of course the members make up the church.  Now technically I was baptized in the same church but I do not attend that church…mainly because I moved away.  

I find no fault in them, yet they find fault in me that I do not agree with that.  I do not speak for every family member or deign to know exactly what they are thinking, but this is how I feel about it.  

So, you can see that I have a completely different view of church, bible and god than the average baptist; therefore, how do I make church work for me and my children when I do not want my children to “hate the sin” so to speak.  If you know this answer please please please explain it to me! 😉  

However, until I have received such enlightenment I believe that this current church is my way to furthering my path with GOD.  I walked into this monstrosity of a church and am first assaulted by the smell of coffee and donuts wafting from their in church coffee shops complete with chai tea and muffins!

I find myself wandering around waiting for my friend Kelly to arrive with her husband and their precious chunky butt of a baby Parker!  I hear all of this music coming from a large hallway that is just filled with believers in God, I swear there are thousands of them.  I then get close enough to hear “Power of Love” being sung by the church band on this HUGE stage!  It was being shown on tons of wall sized Tv’s….there is NO way this was happening.  I mean OMG if my family could have been there.  Blasphemy!!!!

Well, I finally settle down into a chair 100 rows back and enjoy the music, the sermon, and the 2 baptisms that happened.  It was a wonderful message and one that I felt comfortable with talking about what would happen to the world if we loved people the way we loved god.  Could you imagine that? Loving your neighbor, husband, children, stranger, McDonald’s server, waitress, stripper, pimp, doctor, lawyer, etc the way we love God.  There would be no strife, no worry, no starving children and no homeless families.  We would work for the greater good not to greater our goods.  This is something that everyday I have prayed upon.  It is something that I am keeping in my heart.  It is a new mantra of mine.  Of course others are going to upset me, but it doesn’t mean that I forsake them.  

So from little ole me to big ole you….I love you…the way I love God……or at least I’m trying too….it’s a work in progress! 😉

~Lenajeanne

PS…Don’t forget to live this week without reservations….give someone in need a hug…(money might not hurt too…but definitely a hug!)

View of the stage at Southland Christian Church